ANXIETY

Wow, it's been quite a while since I've written. We had a great Christmas! But soon after I was paralyzed by some freakish anxiety. It was like a big panic attack that didn't go away. I was in bed for about 4 days . I use to get the attacks before I had Hailee 6 years ago and got on a medication called imipramine. It worked well then I became pregnant with Hailee and stopped it. I've been fine for all these years but recently they have been escalating from PMS time to a lot more of the time. I couldn't even function. I've never not been able to take care of my kids. I usually just push on through and keep on keepin' on. But this time it was different. It was BAD. Not the normal "oh I can't catch my breath and my arms are going numb." This was that plus more. It was like pure adrenaline was running through my veins for days I was paranoid out of my gourde!Like I was detoxing from heroin ;0) I thought I was losing my mind literally. I couldn't sleep. Xanax didn't even do it. All I wanted was some relief!. I don't mean to have a pity party for myself because I am very blessed and there are people out there WAY worse off than me. All I'm saying is, this scared the shit out of me!. The thought of losing my mind is horrible. But what made it worse was that I couldn't care for my kids while this was happening. Thank the Lord Aaron was home and I didn't really have to worry about it. But Of course I did. You see I don't suffer from depression. My OB tried to put me on a low dose of Zoloft for my anxiety and it had the opposite affect on me. Complete opposite. Thats what sent me into the tailspin of my panic. The past few night I've been taking klonopin before bed so i can get some sleep. Which is is in the same family as Xanax but made up of different components. This stuff is highly addicting and like Valium or any other benzodiazepine, has a nasty withdrawl. I cant take it during the day anyway because I need to be able to do my thing. I like to be alert and running around like a maniac. Thats my problem. I dont give myself any time to relax. Anyhoo, i want to find another solution soon. I don't really want to be on a medication but I'm open to it. We're trying to get pregnant, but at this point I just want to get this anxiety under control and let God take the wheel with the pregnancy bit. Thats what he wants anyway. This is what happens when I try to take control. He's trying to tell me something and I need to just open my ears and listen. I don't know if any of you have suffered from panic attacks or anxiety but if you have I would love to hear what worked for you. You can leave a comment or email me directly if you want kelli@picgroup.com XOXO P.S.- Christmas pictures to come :0)